There’s something inside of me that wants to get out. It’s a beast that will destroy me if I let it escape. Not only will it destroy me, but also those around me. The ones I care about, the ones that I love. The people who love, trust and care about me will all suffer greatly if I set this thing free.
All of my life, it has been living hidden deep within of me. It has gotten out from time to time though. When I was younger, weaker, not able to contain it, the beast had gained its freedom. My parents punished me severely for what it made me do.
As I grew and became a teenager I thought I had it under control. But in the moments when I let my guard down, the moments when I thought it was gone or at least beaten it would come bursting out, and I would lose girlfriends. I would lose close friends because of what it did. Because of what it made me do.
Over time though, I have been in control. I have been able to keep it at bay. Now however, it has gotten worse. It cannot be allowed to escape. Not again. Not after all of my recent triumphs.
If it gets out again after all of the helpful things I’ve been doing, it will finish me. You see…it hates me. It hates me because I…help people.
I can’t understand why it does, but it just does. It shouldn’t really. I have tried to come to terms with the beast, but it is not interested in co-existence. It wants to be free. It wants me to let it loose. It’s told me that I would be happier if I released it. But I can’t, and I think that is what makes it try harder for freedom. That is what makes it hate my deeds.
I came to the realization of the thing’s dislike of my actions when I was twelve. You see, we had quite a few stray cats in the neighbourhood and I started to…help them get home.
The demon had gained freedom after people talked about my…helpfulness. Its release caused me to be punished. I can still remember my Mom telling me that I had the Devil in me. She didn’t know just how right she was.
Over time, I graduated from…helping stray cats to…helping homeless people. Every time I assisted one of them, the beast would roar and fight to be free.
I’m starting to think that I’m winning the battle, however. It doesn’t try to get free as often as it once did. On the occasions when it does want its freedom, I can beat it back easier. And that’s a good thing because I’ve moved on from…helping the homeless to…helping people like you.
You see, we’re all living in this world temporarily, and I…help people leave. They don’t ask for it. All resist it and beg me not to, but I do it anyway. And when you do the types of things that I do, a guilty conscience is the biggest demon you will ever have to face. And before I let it win, I want to help you.